The 10 Most Common Negative Patterns Holding People Back
And How To Address Them To Reinvent Your Life
These life traps are rooted in childhood and shape how we think, feel, and relate to others. The ones I have observed the most are abandonment, mistrust, and emotional deprivation. It causes people to repeat painful experiences in adulthood, often without realising it. It is about taking responsibility for past choices and seeing where they are coming from.
Here is a non-exhaustive list of what you may be subject to:
- Fear of Abandonment
- Mistrust
- Dependence
- Social Exclusion
- Perfectionism
But you need the following to feel content:
- Safety
- Connection
- Autonomy
- Self-Esteem
- Self-Expression
- Realistic Limits
Why don't you have them?
You have suffered from either:
- Neglect
- Overprotection
- Abuse
- Criticism
- Harmful Beliefs
And other coping styles...
How are you most likely addressing them?
- Surrender to accepting the trap as truth and reliving it over and over again
- Escape by avoiding situations or numbing emotions
- Overcompensate by posturing confidence, control or superiority
Still, by resisting the life trap, it persists even more.
You must segment and label the Negative Patterns.
You must let go of all your beliefs that you think are iron-clad truths and challenge yourself. You are where you are, not only, but primarily due to your beliefs.
They shape your reality. It is about looking at yourself as if you were a clone of yourself, watching you and taking note of all the patterns you repeat over and over again.
Breaking the subconscious loop that takes away your agency.
By observing how these negative patterns operate, you can break the pattern through inventorying in a journal. It won't be easy, but with persistence, patience, and self-compassion, you can look back on your setbacks and start shifting into a new version of yourself.
Negative Pattern #1: Abandonment
You constantly fear that loved ones will leave, leading to clinginess, jealousy, and unstable relationships.
This comes from parental loss, instability, or overprotection in childhood. This is why you sabotage relationships, both stable and unstable ones.
You project your fear of abandonment and manifest it with your anxious behaviour.
Here, it is embracing the fact that you cannot control the outcome you are so desperate to reach, and no amount of micromanagement towards others will result in it.
If you ignore this, you will put people off, as no one likes to feel imprisoned by the mismanagement of your emotions.